you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
