OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
