none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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