i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
