After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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