I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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