I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
