I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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