definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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