I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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