he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
