I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
