i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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