8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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