Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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