I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize