i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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