just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
