fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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