Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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