I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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