Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
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There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
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you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Never joke about your clitoris.
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