Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
