he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
