i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
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Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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