i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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