I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
