People in love make me want to vomit
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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