i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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