he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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