I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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