Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
