I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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