lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
