he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
