Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
me + whiskey = a bad person
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
