i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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