Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
