you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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