Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
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The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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