I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
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