onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My penis needs a shock collar
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
