i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
