i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
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I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
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Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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