It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
