you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
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he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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