Tell her she can't have a vagina
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
