your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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