he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
