well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
