Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
