i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
