I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
