So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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