google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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