just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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