I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
