I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
