If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
