and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
