Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
