there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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