Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
