yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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