we made out on top of his cat.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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