So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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