This is not my ceiling
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
