Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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