her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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