he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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