So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
