ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
