Tell her she can't have a vagina
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
