If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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